Even Terry Wogan doesn't give a monkeys any more. He didn't go as far as saying it out loud, but tonight, he sounded like a broken man. Broken by a televisual spectacular meant to bring nations together, which instead proves just what a shower of back slapping bastards we all are. Yes folks, Eurovision is shit.
It's shit for two main reasons. The first one is obvious. Eastern European block voting ensures high placings for the old former Soviet gang. Everyone votes for everyone else. This isn't anything new of course, the Scandinavians have always voted for each other, but that didn't matter 'cos the rest of Europe as it was balanced this out, and old rivalries / alliances always were a part of Eurovision. (Generally this meant that Ireland won, and in revenge they gave us Riverdance.) Unfortunately, the Eastern Europeans have more countries voting for each other, so they end up getting a disproportionate balance of the votes. And they're tenacious too. The other year they used those lesbians that weren't lesbians. This year they've got a proper R'nB producer to do their song.
The second problem is that we're jealous. The Russian entry was a fine piece of overproduced R'nB pap, which, while not to my taste, at least deserved to win as much as any of the other entries that weren't complete shit. You can call it sour grapes, which would at least be true. The United Kingdom contribute a significant proportion of money to Eurovsion, along with other countries (it's what guarantees us a place in the final) and to come last is off-pissing, to say the least. It's galling to see these upstart countries not only being successful and rich and getting on with not being communist any more, but winning Eurovision too. That and having all the oil and gas reserves. And what do they spend their money on? Getting Timbaland to produce their Eurovision single!
Terry didn't say it, but in what he implied, we should leave Eurovision to the east, take our ball and go home. (I imagine him tonight, sitting with a glass of whiskey in one hand and a revolver in the other on the edge of his hotel bed, in his underpants, but that's another story). We make the best music in the world anyway and we don't need a competition to tell us that. Imagine if we sent Kate Nash, or The Zutons, or Gallon Drunk, or The Sugababes, or Aphex Twin, or Coldplay or we forced Jesus fucking Jones and EMF at knifepoint to reform for that matter. It wouldn't matter if we didn't win, we'd know it was a fix if we didn't. 'Cos we're ace at pop.
It is sour grapes isn't it? God strewth it is. Well then, stick your Eurovision up your arse, there'll never be another ABBA.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Friday, May 23, 2008
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Dead Fly Blues
A dead fly that was stuck to the roof of my car for several days. A victim of rising petrol prices? I like to think so.
How can people afford to blast around in their giant SUV fat-transporters when petrol is so expensive? It's madness, yet there they are, blasting along the dual-carriageway, parking inexpertly across two spaces at ASDA or blocking access to the out of hours surgery while popping into the offy for fags and leaving the hazards on. Where the hell do they get their money from?
I'm clearly in the wrong job, or need to fiddle the benefits better.
How can people afford to blast around in their giant SUV fat-transporters when petrol is so expensive? It's madness, yet there they are, blasting along the dual-carriageway, parking inexpertly across two spaces at ASDA or blocking access to the out of hours surgery while popping into the offy for fags and leaving the hazards on. Where the hell do they get their money from?
I'm clearly in the wrong job, or need to fiddle the benefits better.
Monday, May 19, 2008
Mountainbiking Apparition
I spotted this chap on my way to work this morning. He was on a mountain bike and wearing a big red coat. He looked very much like Michael Berryman out of The Hills have Eyes.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
So I whipped out my plums and slapped them on the desk...
Lovely plums, from Aldi. Rather too ripe for my liking, but very delicious none the less.
The plum is the dark horse of the fruit world. Dried it becomes the prune, a sort of fruit equivalent of a vampire. In it's plum-state, it can be tart or sweet, sometimes in the same plum. You never know where you are with plums.
The plum is the dark horse of the fruit world. Dried it becomes the prune, a sort of fruit equivalent of a vampire. In it's plum-state, it can be tart or sweet, sometimes in the same plum. You never know where you are with plums.
Sunday, May 04, 2008
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